Lucia Verses
This is a short "history" of Prof. Laughlin's experiences receiving the 1998 Nobel Prize in Physics. He wrote it during the final days of the long university tour that followed Nobel week. It is sung to the tune of Santa Lucia.
| 1. | Santa Lucia's Worshiped in Sweden Rather obsessively During the solstice. They sing a carol That's really simple. It's quite a catchy tune. You can't forget it. |
2. | Our little story Starts in October When sleeping in my bed I got The Phone Call. Or more precisely Some guy from Sweden Rang my son's mickey phone Then had him wake us. | ||
| In fact when your eye shuts Its sound will drive you nuts. You can give up hope of sleeping! Santa Lucia! |
"I have a big surprise! You've won the Nobel Prize With your colleagues Tsui and Störmer. Santa Lucia!" |
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| 3. | "We are your colleagues Hagstrom and Jonson. This call is not a prank In case you're wondering. We would advise you Dress and have breakfast Before all hell breaks loose, Which it will shortly. |
4. | Then we called Stanford Told them the good news They sent their handler Mr. Jack Hubbard. He intercepted All of the phone calls And told us Clinton jokes That were quite filthy. |
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| Soon as the press release You will have no more peace. Everyone will try to phone you. Santa Lucia!" |
Then came the interviews Which we dared not refuse. They would always ask the same things. Santa Lucia! |
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| 5. | "We'd like to find out What you are feeling, How you were notified, Plans for the money. Would you please tell us What your work's good for In laymen's terms without Quantum mechanics? |
6. | Some days thereafter I got a package Crammed full of Nobel stuff From the Foundation. There was a program, Rules for the guest list, Transfer of Copyright, and a nice bank form. |
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| We in the third estate Always stress things you hate Because dumbed-down stories sell well. Santa Lucia!" |
But one thing gave me grief, It was beyond belief, Only ten seats for the banquet! Santa Lucia! |
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| 7. | I found some fine print That said to e-mail Mrs. Fallenius For information. She answered promptly But for nine time zones That I would have to beg Christina Tillfors. |
8. | They also offered For me and my guests Cheap fares on SAS From here to Stockholm. I called up Pat Kross, Their sales agent, Pointed out cheaper fares On other airlines. |
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| I sent her pleading mails. But she was tough as nails. Tillfors would not budge a micron. Santa Lucia! |
She asked her management If some rules could be bent They said yes and gave more discounts. Santa Lucia! |
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| 9. | Then in November I got an e-mail From my new attache Ms Anja Lind. She was real savvy And was attached to The Foreign Ministry Where she did crypto. |
10. | Finally the day came To fly to Stockholm. We woke up in the dark When it was drizzling. Our teenage sons liked Going to the airport In a big limousine Complete with wet bar. |
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| She saw to all our wants, And booked us restaurants. Nothing would have worked without her. Santa Lucia! |
We met our parents there, Switched airlines in O'Hare, Then we flew across the north pole. Santa Lucia! |
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| 11. | We soon arrived at Arlanda Airport And were met at the gate By Nobel people. They whisked us off to A special lounge that's Reserved for diplomats There we met Anja. |
12. | We left the airport In our own limo Drove to the Grand Hotel In downtown Stockholm. We got a big room With wooden decor Right on the waterfront Opposite Old Town. |
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| We were spared passport cops And had some photo ops. Also someone fetched our luggage. Santa Lucia! |
This room was way too hot. It was like Angor Wat. So we opened all the windows. Santa Lucia! |
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| 13. | Next day we went to Hans Allde's clothes shop To check the fit of our White tie and tails. Lurking downstairs was A paparazzo Who took a photograph Of me undressing. |
14. | Our next engagement Was a news conference Held for the laureates Excluding doctors. It didn't go well As it got hijacked By the economist Whose field was welfare. |
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| It was quite indiscreet, So quickly hit the street. Folks in Denmark said they'd seen it. Santa Lucia! |
Also the Swedish press Judged our stuff meaningless. We all thought they needed pieing. Santa Lucia! |
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| 15. | Then we went on to A nice reception At the Academy Which was more pleasant. It featured wine and Good salmon pastries. The wall had portraits of Folks like Linnaeus. |
16. | Next day we gave our Nobel addresses In a big lecture hall Called Aula Magna. Of course, as usual, I was not ready And made my overheads Moments beforehand. |
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| With this we started on An eating marathon. The result was big time weight gain. Santa Lucia! |
Horst and Dan did not yell. By then they knew me well. They just offered pens and plastics. Santa Lucia! |
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| 17. | After my lecture I met the hosts of A local kiddie show Called Hjarnkontoret. I went with these folks Down to the basement And by the synchrotron Answered their questions. |
18. | Next day we went to A formal luncheon With the Ambassador, Olsen from Texas. He had a drawl and Swedish ancestors, And would have served us ribs Had it been summer. |
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| "Hi kids in TV land! No you can't understand What we did until you're older. Santa Lucia!" |
They had us take our seat Then brought too much to eat. Then we left for a reception. Santa Lucia! |
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| 19. | That night we drove to Yet one more restaurant And for all thirty guests Ordered a Julbord. It went from glogg to Cheeses and meat balls, Five different kinds of lox, Herring and reindeer. |
20. | Then came the big day. We donned our good clothes: Men in white tie and tails, Women in ball gowns. Each of the ladies Got hair appointments That cost a hundred bucks But made them gorgeous. |
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| But we declined to risk Eating the lutefisk. It would have been bad to throw up. Santa Lucia! |
Finally we met downstairs To people's gaping stares. Then we went to get our Prizes. Santa Lucia! |
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| 21. | One need not dwell on The ceremony. It was all televised, And we were rated. I came in second, Tying with Störmer. I would have won the thing But I flunked bowing. |
22. | Then we went right to The Nobel banquet Held in the City Hall In a big courtyard. There we found placards, Rose petal sculptures, Medals of chocolate, And skinny thorn balls. |
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| They honored each of us Then played Sibelius. I thought Mom was going to lose it. Santa Lucia! |
They brought us chicken breast Brutally squeezed and pressed, And a quite impressive ice cream. Santa Lucia. |
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| 23. | Then we went upstairs To take some pictures And meet Their Majesties Behind a rope fence. Then came news sessions In which they asked me If I believed in God And such like questions. |
24. | We left the dancing Just before midnight, And in our limousine, Drove to the Nightcap. This was a party Run by the students Of Stockholm's business school. Also a disco. |
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| This was a dirty trick. I had to escape quick. So I went and did some dancing. Santa Lucia! |
It was a den of sin So we all wanted in. I was much too old to be there. Santa Lucia! |
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| 25. | Next day at noon we Managed to get to The Royal Library In time for filming. We were asked questions About Big Business And whether science has Soul or a conscience. |
26. | That night we went to The Royal Palace For dinner with the King And his attendants. We learned that he's not Really a good shot So that the venison Was bagged by others. |
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| This slowly made us mad. We sensed that we'd been had. So we did our best to sink them. Santa Lucia! |
Also by his decrees Kings can cut Christmas trees Although normal people cannot. Santa Lucia! |
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| 27. | Next day we went to Alfred's Foundation To transfer to our banks All the prize money. We checked accounts and Got our gold medals, Signed a certificate, Then got some bad news. |
28. | Finally there came the Lucia banquet Where folks get stinking drunk, Even the grandmas. There were loud songs and Serious skoaling, Skits in two languages And frequent "phone calls". |
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| "Since they demand no less We've told the IRS The whole figure of your winnings. Santa Lucia!" |
It was an endless slog To get that little frog How we made it home I don't know. Santa Lucia! |
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| 29. | Next day began our Traveling road show. We rose at five o'clock Very hung over. We took our limo Right to the airport Then flew to Gothenberg For a performance. |
30. | Then came the long march: First Lund and Malmo, Then on the hydrofoil Over to Denmark, Then to a hotel In Copenhagen Opposite Tivoli, Then to Helsinki. |
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| They thought our lectures deep But we just needed sleep. Thank God we were free the next day. Santa Lucia! |
This was a hellish trip Of which I recall zip, But we had to plug for science. Santa Lucia! |
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| 31. | Then it was over. We flew to Stockholm, Got a nice hotel room, Watched the impeachment. Next day we took off Over the north pole, Followed the setting sun Back home to Stanford. |
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| Thus ends our Nobel song. I'm sad it took so long. Hope you found it entertaining! Santa Lucia! |
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